“I’m sorry” vs “I love you”

“I’m sorry” has come out of my mouth thousands of times since last Tuesday. Sometimes it’s even”I’m so sorry”. Kristi has been getting annoyed with me for saying it so much that I have made a conscious decision to say “I love you” instead of I”’m sorry.” She knows. She roles her eyes.

My favorite all time movie is The Princess Bride. The farm boy would always say “As you wish” to the spoiled farmers daughter. Over time, she understood what he was saying. Instead of “as you wish” he was really saying “I love you.” She knew.

I have been so honored to walk with this girl for 25 years. I have seen God mold her into His image and use her to impact thousands of lives. From helping a new mother deliver her baby in a third world country during a country wide black out. To sitting on the floor laughing and hugging all over the children. To sitting and listening to a struggling family. She has taken every person as valuable and loved.

The last 24 hours have been fast and slow. We are still waiting for the pathology report to come back to tell us exactly what we are dealing with. She has rested. She has coughed. She has ram a fever. She has gotten sicker.

They inserted a picc line so that they would not have to jab her so many times a day. This will allow them to give fluids, medicine, and take blood. Well, they did jab her again for cultures 😡 They said it was because they need fresh blood to see if they can find any infection.

Today, we expect lots of movement. The oncologist will be in this morning to check on the pathology and possibly schedule a CT guided biopsy to find the center of the mass and get another pathology. She really doesn’t want to do this but it is probably unavoidable.


Pray that her fever comes down. Pray they will get the report back. Pray for relief from pain. Pray for peace.

As the day goes on, I am inevitably going to forget and say “I’m sorry.” She knows. What I’m trying to say is “I love you.”

Ray Rhoton

Kristi’s War

join the fight!

28 thoughts on ““I’m sorry” vs “I love you”

  1. Praying for all those things you’ve asked for and more. I woke up at 4 am this morning and my very first thought was Kristi, so of course I started praying again for her, for you, for wisdom for her doctors, for her children, for rest, for peace and comfort. Continuing…thank you for the update. By the way, I tagged Kim in your original post so they are praying as well. 🙏❤️🙏


  2. Well spoken, sir. We bear this burden with you and claim John 11:4
    When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.


  3. My prayers are with Kristi that the fever will go away and she can rest. My prayers are for God to with the oncologist today as he makes all her medical decisions and Ray, I’m praying for you and all your family.


  4. Your battle reminds me that each day together is precious. Your love reminds me that you really can’t say it too often. Praying right now.


  5. Dear Ray and Kristi, As I sat and read Ray’s post last night to my husband and cried. My heart breaks for you. I know all too well the journey you are on. Just know we are praying for you. Bryan and Lisa Saeger


  6. Praying constantly for answers! Praying for comfort and peace for Kristi and you. Praying for strength and courage for the entire family. Praying for her medical team to move quickly and precisely.


  7. I also woke up with Kristi and you heavy on my heart. The waiting part is so hard…you just want answers and a plan!!! I’m sorry too….sorry that she’s hurting, sorry that she’s scared, sorry that your family is having to endure this pain. Continuing to pray. Thank you for taking the time to keep us all up to date. 🙏


  8. Praying for Gods overwhelming comfort and clarity from the doctors so that she can begin the healing process. Please give Kristi my love.


  9. Ray, you and Kristi are loved by so many people. But, greatest of all, you are loved by our Heavenly Father. You well know that a host of people around the world are praying for Kristi and our God takes notice. We certainly don’t always understand the plan of God for our lives, but we trust Him and know His ways are right and we follow the path He has set before us (Proverbs 3:5-6). We all are asking God for healing! Yet, because you and Kristi walk with God, you praise His name regardless of our outcomes. Your writings prove that you total trust in the Lord and that is honoring to God and a great testimony to all of us. Love you guys dearly. Psalm 103:1-5


  10. I couldn’t hardly sleep last night, thinking of Kristi and what your family is going through. Continuing to pray for God’s healing and praying for his ever present touch to be felt by her and your family during this difficult time.


  11. Hope and I are praying for y’all! I will pray for quick answers with quick action plans. I will pray that Satan not have a voice. The waiting always seems forever and Satan likes to whisper doubt and worse case scenario into our thoughts. I will also pray for healing that makes the doctors scratch their heads and that all glory goes to God! We love you and your family!


  12. We are praying and trusting and hoping and loving alongside you, trusting our Father’s perfect provision and will and asking for peace that surpasses understanding.


  13. My heart breaks for you Kristi, because I know how hard a cancer diagnosis is. Yet God gave me an overwhelming peace during my cancer journey. My prayer is that HE will give you that same peace and more. I thought of you on and off all night long saying a prayer for you each time I did. I pray for your children and Ray as well, and wisdom for your medical team. May the Lord touch your body and take away the pain, and use you during this time of trial to bring others to Him! Stay strong!


  14. I know you and I don’t know each other. However, I am friends with Teresa and her girls. After watching your beautifully broken words from church this morning. I called my dear friend. We laughed, cried, vented, and talked. When she said we all feel so helpess. I said But God. She told me how many “hits” your social media post have made. I couldn’t help but think this is your mission field now. God is leaving you all in Yukon to show HIM through this trial. The truth always comes out in the trial. You are blessing us during this time. We will all grow together. Even miles apart we are growing. I pray for each family member during this time. That God blesses you, gives you strength, courage and more. I pray Satan and his demons stay away from your minds and hearts. I will just keep praying.


  15. Praying for your family faithfully. Rest knowing that this illness isn’t new to God. He has everything under control, In a world that is out of control. He has everything lined up before we can even think to know we need to pray for a solution to a problem. Its unsettling in our humanity when we need answers, control, and comfort in the here and now. But, God already knows this, and He has Kristi right where He needs her at this very moment. May God provide every thing you all need. Peace, comfort and understanding ❤️


  16. Ray and Kristi,
    Please know that so many people are lifting you both up in prayer. I am a living example that God hears the prayers of many and uses health issues/cancer to bring glory to Him. I read your words of scans, biopsies and the poking and prodding of tests and I understand what Kristi is going thru which makes me pray even more. Also praying for Kristi’s medical team to have wisdom in how to care for her. God is faithful, so don’t loose hope. Philippians 4:6-7


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