When Words Hurt

January 31, 2022

Kristi is on day 5 from surgery. Her incision is starting to itch and her pain is becoming intense as her bowels are waking up and she is processing normal food. She has improved greatly and I am excited to see her up and walking, spending time sitting up, talking, smiling, and managing her pain. She is still on strong IV antibiotics because of the cultures that are growing from the lab. They have tapered down her IV diet and will most likely remove the liquids today. Our biggest prayer request now is pain management. She has a 12-14 inch incision right up her middle abdomen. The surgeon cut through her muscles and removed a large mass from her abdomen. The “hole” left is being filled by her stomach and intestines, which is causing tremendous pain. Please pray that we will find the right balance in medicine and recovery so that we can go home to fully recover there.

The last couple of days, my mouth has gotten me into trouble a time or two. Many times I tend to speak before I think. My mind has a way of thinking out loud. As words come out, I sometimes say what I don’t want to say. Anyone else have that problem? No? Just me? Ok.

Solomon says this:

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”Proverbs 18:21

Solomon writes a bunch of short, directed, one-liners in the Book of Proverbs. Sometimes they make me laugh and other times like this one, they sting.

Here’s another good one:

“Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28

But one that really makes me think is this one:

“Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6

When do you open your mouth to say something and when do you remain silent? It’s a dance that doesn’t have mapped out steps. It can be beautiful or disastrous. As Kristi navigates her recovery and pain, I have been more disaster than beautiful – more hurtful than helpful.

While thinking out loud, I have caused her pain. While trying to help her navigate pain medicine, I have said the wrong thing. It’s really hard to know what is right and what is wrong in this situation. It’s hard to know when my words bring clarity or muddy the waters. It’s so frustrating!

But wait, Solomon says, “words from a sincere friend…” Aren’t I a sincere friend? Haven’t I proven my love and friendship over these past 4 weeks? When does a sincere friend have the right to say what he wants, even if the words hurt? I think the answer is, never…

Here’s what I mean. Just because a sincere friend will speak the truth in love, sometimes empathy and compassion are more important. Sometimes silence is the appropriate response. Sometimes a soft, comforting touch is all that’s needed.

As we consider those around us, and we walk with them through pain and struggles, sometimes no words are the best words. We don’t have to say everything we think, even when we are probably right.

“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” Proverbs 12:18

So my question for myself is, do I want to be cutting or healing? Obviously, healing is my choice. Kristi has already been cut, I don’t need to cut her spirit or emotions on top of her pain. She has already overcome incredible obstacles, I don’t want to add to her battles.

The next question is how do I default to wisdom instead of insensitivity? How do I give words of comfort instead of words of pain? Guess who owns wisdom? Guess who gives it out freely to those who ask? Yep, God. So today, I am going to ask God for wisdom. I’ll ask Him for a supernatural clamp over my mouth. I’ll ask him for words of healing. And, I’ll ask him for compassion.

Ray Rhoton

#kristiswar

#jointhefight

#warriorqueen