// February 28, 2022 // Missing My Spleen – by Kristi //
I love word games. I like to keep my mind busy. I play this game every day. It’s interesting what can make you emotional or anxious. Most the time it just happens- with no preparation. Tonight SPLEEN was the first word I saw. Instantly it reminded me that I no longer have one. I’m still a little confused about what future problems this will create. I’ve honestly never really thought about my spleen or what it does for me. Now that it’s gone, it’s worrisome. I usually don’t go very long during any given day without a reminder of my diagnosis. A glance at a bald head in my reflection, a sneeze that threatens to rip open my incision, a bump against my port, my increasingly dry and itchy skin, a list of medications, a calendar full of dr. appointments…..but tonight it was a word game that sent me on a bit of a mental journey. There are a lot of instances like this in life- We’re doing fine when a memory or realization attacks from the shadows. I guess we just need to embrace it. Be thankful for our experiences and memories that we’ve survived. Be hopeful for the journey to come. Yes, hopeful. That’s what I want to be, to express, to share, to live out.
It’s never been more evident to me that my body is dying, yet I love the promise that I am still being renewed!
“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Please pray for me as I have my next chemo treatment tomorrow morning. Pray that the port has minimal pain and that my body responds without sickness. My anxiety could use some prayer as well.