// May 30, 2022 – Bittersweet //
We are almost a week out from Kristi’s last chemo treatment. It’s hard to describe what we are feeling. We have discussed at length the feeling of holding our breath, anticipating a good outcome, fear, and hope. A friend called this cautiously optimistic. It’s like optimism and hope with a seatbelt on.
Being in the room as Kristi received her last treatment and then watching her ring the bell gave me a feeling of heavenly hope. Not sure how else to describe it. It was like my soul was longing for more and it was just out of reach. It’s seeing a sunset or sunrise or a clear sky with the stars on full display. That feeling that you could sit in that moment for eternity because of the beauty and awe of it all. It almost hurts. It’s so wonderful.
“O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.” Psalms 40:5
As we poder the next few months, we hope, we love, we laugh, we cry. No one is ever promised tomorrow and yet, we cling to it as if it were a done deal.
Paul brilliantly describes this feeling in Second Corinthians Five. He tells how the longing to put on something beyond our reach. Read chapter 5 and you’ll see what I’m talking about. I love this line:
“While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:4
We don’t want to give up this life, we just long for the undying to swallow up the dying; for life to swallow up death. This is that hard to grasp feeling that comes over us as we hear a baby laugh, watch a dolphin spin, a buffalo graze, our kids run, snow fall, see fish swim in a clear creek, watch a dog breath as it sleeps, and the uncountable experiences of joy that we experience as humans. It’s the longing for more and the sadness when it’s over.
We have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but we know eternity is around the corner. We know that unspeakable, continuas, and limitless joy awaits us with the Father. For now, we revel in and enjoy the momentary pleasures of life.
What’s your bittersweet?